Deeper Intimacy Questions
This is a powerful exercise that can evoke a strong response, so be sure to create an emotionally safe space for your exploration. These questions deserve plenty of time and your full focus. Find a quiet place, turn off your phone, and perhaps even light a candle to create a special space. Set aside up to 45 minutes to answer all the questions, although you may only need a half hour.
Once your partner is done answering a question, you should answer the same exact question. Take as long as you like to answer each question, and feel free to ask related questions that may further clarify or expand upon your initial response. Since the goal is deeper intimacy, be sure to answer with honesty and sincerity. If you give this exercise your full attention and care, you and your partner will be well rewarded.
Instead of answering all these questions at one time with a partner, you may choose to sprinkle them throughout your days. For example, at a shared meal with a friend or lover, you can take out this list and share two or three questions. However you choose to use these questions, they can quickly lead to greater depth, openness, and understanding between any two people. Enjoy!
1. What do you like most about yourself?
2. What was your first impression of me?
3. What is something you appreciate about me?
4. What gives you the greatest sense of joy?
5. What do you want me to know about you?
6. What helps you to feel really loved?
7. What is something you’ve avoided saying to me?
8. What do you notice about yourself when you’re with me?
9. What was the last thing that made you cry? Why?
10. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about sex?
11. What do you think I think about you?
12. What helps you feel most connected to me?
Jonathan Robinson is a psychotherapist, a bestselling author of “More Love Less Conflict,” and 11 other books, and has been a frequent guest on Oprah and CNN. He can be reached at: email@example.com or his website: FindingHappiness.com